Even all of these years later, I think…should I tell my kids stories about the early years when I first met their dad?
Do they need to know?
Will it make them happy to know?
Will it make them sad to hear a story I want to share?
About three years ago, I moved out of the home where I raised my kids as a single mom, and was overwhelmed by the 1,000s of photos that I kept (because I am a sentimental stockpiler).
I did share some of the photos from my first trip away with their dad with my kids and asked if they wanted me to keep any of them and the responses I got from my three kids were very different. I was 23 years young when he and I went to Spain.
My oldest – Samantha, said “those aren’t my memories, I don’t care if you keep those photos or not.”
My younger daughter (she doesn’t like to be referred to as my middle child) said “yes, keep it and write where you were on this trip.”
My youngest, my son said – “I don’t even know who you are in that photo.” (granted it was over 30 years ago).
All of these years later, I am back in Spain with my kids, my forever man and my parents. I wanted to share the story that I was here with their dad…but I was hesitant.
I didn’t know if they would react negatively, or if it would make them sad since he and I haven’t been together for the better part of 15 years.
But, I did it anyway.
As I was sharing the story, my oldest rolled her eyes.
My younger daughter heard me, but acted like she didn’t care.
What I normally do, but didn’t do in this particular case, is ask permission. I say, “do you want to hear a good story about me and your dad?”
I’m not sure why I didn’t, but I didn’t overthink it. I trusted my gut.
My Message:
There is so much negativity around divorce in general, how it changes every dynamic in your family – even if it’s considered amicable – that some positive thoughts and memories are never bad. Don’t you think, First name / exEXPERTS?
I do encourage you to “ask permission” to share since each kid is different and depending on where their mindset is on that particular day in that particular moment, it may not be the best time to receive it in the way it was intended.
I am not talking about sharing why you got a divorce, why s/he cheated or where the money comes from, etc. Those topics should really wait until your kids ask you point blank – Why did you get a divorce? My position on these interactions is only answer the questions that are asked – don’t give more information because they don’t want know more – even though you may want to say more.
At the beginning of the process and as you adjust to the changes, it’s normal to be careful and hesitate before speaking. Think it through but don’t overthink – sounds contradictory, right?
Sometimes, there is nothing to lose and sometimes there is a lot to lose. Read the room, ask the question and share when the time is best. If the time is not best, your children will tell you – so please listen.
If you want to set up a Free Connection Call, just complete this form and we can support you.
T.H. Irwin
Co-founder & Co-Host
exEXPERTS & Divorce etc...
Why We Chose her: T.H. Irwin is cofounder of exEXPERTS & co-host of the Divorce etc... podcast. Together, she & Jessica demystify divorce through the wisdom of experience and by providing the support they wish they had when going through their divorces. On a scale from amicable to O-M-G, she endured an off-the-charts 4-year divorce but her resiliency, optimism & friendship helped her make it through! She's a martini-loving, fitness junkie with a career of creating meaningful experiences for people, & she's doing the same for exEXPERTS.
One Thing she wants You To Know: Trust your gut, it's the most honest life compass you will have.
Location: Worldwide
Make a Connection:
https://www.exexperts.com
Co-founder & Co-Host
exEXPERTS & Divorce etc...
Why We Chose her: T.H. Irwin is cofounder of exEXPERTS & co-host of the Divorce etc... podcast. Together, she & Jessica demystify divorce through the wisdom of experience and by providing the support they wish they had when going through their divorces. On a scale from amicable to O-M-G, she endured an off-the-charts 4-year divorce but her resiliency, optimism & friendship helped her make it through! She's a martini-loving, fitness junkie with a career of creating meaningful experiences for people, & she's doing the same for exEXPERTS.
One Thing she wants You To Know: Trust your gut, it's the most honest life compass you will have.
Location: Worldwide
Make a Connection:
https://www.exexperts.com
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
