FULL TRANSCRIPT – DIVORCE ETC… PODCAST SEASON 4, EPISODE 2

exEXPERTS INTERVIEW WITH CHELDIN BARLATT RUMER

T.H.: How often do you think to yourself, who am I? Who do I want to be? Divorce is a huge change in life, trust me. But it’s also a huge opportunity to become who you really want to be and follow the path it’s best for you. Jessica and I have lived it and done it. Who you were during your marriage and divorce doesn’t have to be who you are afterwards. That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode of the Divorce etc… podcast, introducing yourself to you. We are the exEXPERTS, T.H. and Jessica, although I am going solo today, so bear with me. We help you navigate your divorce successfully and move on with your life. Let’s bring in today’s guest. I mean, Cheldin Rumer is somebody everybody needs in their life. I’m actually going to let her just introduce who she is and what she does because there’s very little that she doesn’t do. She is an abundance of energy, knowledge; she’s contagious, and so we are gifting her to you for this episode of Divorce etc… Welcome, Cheldin.

Cheldin: Hello my friend. I’m so excited to be here. I’ve been looking forward to this. I feel like it’s a little overdue. We have been talking about this, and I’m excited to finally be here. I’m going to introduce myself a little bit.

T.H.: Please, yes.

Cheldin: For those that are listening, again, I’m Cheldin Barlatt Rumer—Cheldin Rumer. I’m the CEO and executive producer of THIS IS IT NETWORK. We connect remarkable women to inspiring stories through our digital content, our online community, and our engaging events. We really live to inspire women and elevate their voices so they no longer whisper their wishes, but they scream their dreams. That’s really what we’re up to. I’m an adjunct professor at Temple University where I teach personal branding. I teach social media strategy at Drexel University as an adjunct as well. I’m all about entertainment and education, and I’m happy to be here.

T.H.: And by the way, she’s a mom, so she does do that too.

Cheldin: I am a mom.

T.H.: And she’s super close with her sister and her mom.

Cheldin: All the things.

T.H.: Follow her everywhere. Everybody just wants to be around Cheldin. I met Cheldin through an introduction someone made. I’m on a kick right now to meet someone new every week. You definitely kicked that off for me when we had our first call. Look, you’re not in the position of divorce, and we are happy for you. But for any life shift—I don’t want to be identified by my divorce.

Cheldin: Right.

T.H.: So if I don’t have the divorce story, how do I identify myself? I want to be a different person, which you can’t fully be a different person—it’s a stepping stone. You’re going to take who you are and build on it. You said to me, “How about reintroducing yourself to yourself?” and I was like, “Oh my God, that’s novel. I never even thought of that before.” But Cheldin talks about things in such a simple way that it makes you believe that you can actually do this. Let’s start dissecting this concept. 

Cheldin: Yeah!

T.H.: What makes you even think you have to reintroduce yourself to yourself?

Cheldin: Right, for me, I think that the majority of people treat you as you were not as you are. They treat you how they remember you, in their own defense, right? They treat you how they remember you from high school, how they remember you when you were a babysitter, how they remember you when you were a coordinator. But now you’re a vice president, right? When they meet you in the middle of Whole Foods, they’re like, “Hey,” and they’re talking to you in coordinator talk. They’re talking to you as if you’re their neighbor that lived underneath them in some flat, apartment complex, as opposed to the person that lives on seven acres. They’re talking to you as they knew you, not as you are. It’s truly your obligation to not only reintroduce yourselves to them, but make sure that you have reintroduced yourself to yourself. Because often, we act as we were, not as we are. We act in a victim mentality, even though we have been victims, right? But when we truly reintroduce ourselves, we have to come not forgetting all of the hardships—because I’m never going to encourage anybody to forget what they’re going through—

T.H.: You can’t forget anyway.

Cheldin: You can’t. You can’t.

T.H.: Don’t even think that that’s possible, because it’s not.

Cheldin: It’s not. For anybody who’s like, “You’re a new person,” and “You’re…” it’s not about starting over, I love to say. I really don’t want anybody to start over. I want them to start from where they are, right? The analogy that I use is that when you’re lost, do you go all the way home and start the journey over again? Or do you ask for directions from where you are?

T.H.: Right. Wait, stop and about that. It’s so basic. This is what I’m saying. We understand that. We can process that. “No, I’m lost. I’m going to start with where I am. I’m going to take out my phone or a map or phone a friend and take it from there.” Let’s talk about meeting people where they are. Now, when you run into your friends from high school, it’s also kind of nice to be that young, fun, carefree high school kid—

Cheldin: For sure. For sure!

T.H.: —and start from there.

Cheldin: Yeah.

T.H.: But okay, so now you’ve grown and you have learned and you’ve developed, or you fallen short and you’ve regressed from where you want to be, let’s really talk about reintroducing—how do you understand who you are, right? You have to start there.

Cheldin: Right, and I think that it’s very much one of those situations where again, I use a lot of analogies, so hang in there with me, but if we’ve ever started a retail job or a restaurant job, and we had to go to what—an orientation, right? They gave us these weird three days of watching these weird hypothetical videos, and we had to fill out all this paperwork, and we had to understand how we were going to behave before we went on the floor. We had to understand all of the menu items before we were able to sell them, before we were able to address the table with the daily specials. The problem is that we don’t orientate ourselves on ourselves. We don’t give ourselves an orientation. We don’t sit down and get to know ourselves before we start to promote it. We just said, “You know, I’m just going to wing it. I’m just going to introduce myself to people.” Uh-uh, I want us to give ourselves the time to re-orientate ourselves on who we are in this moment—the good, the bad, the ugly. Then we get to select if we want to be that childish high school girl that meets an old classmate in Whole Foods, or if I want to come to you as the Vice President of whatever business. I get to choose. That’s the thing, it’s not they get to interpret me in any way, they get to get from me whatever it is that they interpret. It’s me saying, “Okay, I have studied myself. I’ve gotten to re-know myself as this new person, and I’m going to look to introduce myself to the world.”

T.H.: So what are actionable steps you can take? Are you literally writing things down that you like about yourself and you don’t like about yourself?  

Cheldin: I like to call it your unique equation. So, first of all, understanding who you are, there’s three ways in which I identify that. One is writing down your life facts. My lucky number is three, so I do things in threes. So, three life facts, these are three things that are undisputed. No one can argue and say that they’re false. I’m a mother, it’s a fact. They both tried to kill me. I’m a mom, right? That’s what it is. I am an entrepreneur—

T.H.: We persevere.

Cheldin: We persevere. We persevere. These are facts, right? I’m an immigrant. I’m from Sierra Leone, West Africa. That’s a fact. You have to be grounded in the facts of your life. These aren’t things that are people’s opinions. They’re what you and who you truly are. The other thing is three strengths that you have. I can’t tell you the amount of individuals that don’t know or won’t own what they are good at. They’re very passive about what they are good at. What I want us to do is to stand in who we are and what we are good at. The last thing is I want to recognize what we’re not good at—not to dwell on it—so we can simply give it to someone else. I am awful at spreadsheets. I just am. So, I have an accountant, I have a consultant, I have people who do spreadsheets for me. Can I read them? Yes. But I’m not going to spend my zone of genius doing things that I’m not good at. But if I didn’t orientate myself on myself, I would be taking on things that didn’t belong to me. I would be putting out a personality and personal brand that didn’t serve me. And so I want us to sit down, write three life facts, three things that cannot be disputed about you, and three strengths—recognize what you’re not good at, but three strengths. Those six things help you begin and continue a conversation about yourself to get closer to what you want.

T.H.: I was actually speaking with a bunch of women, and as they’re going around introducing themselves, we’re all like, “Oh my God, she’s a rockstar. Oh my God, she’s amazing.” But if you ask them what they’re great at and what their superpowers are, they’re like, “Uh…”

Cheldin: Right, for sure.

T.H.: “I don’t know.” To be honest, when Jessica and I had to write our bios for exEXPERTS, I couldn’t write mine. I told Jessica she had to write mine. “You write mine. I’ll write yours.” That’s how I know what my zone of genius is, because she said so. It’s hard. It’s really hard. Forget about even negative messaging that you’ve had in your life from past relationships. But I had a very successful career that I built out of nothing, that has nothing to do with exEXPERTS. I was given an opportunity to start an events division for a media company in northern New Jersey, and I took the leap. I’m like, “Whatever, I got three kids under eight. I’ve done a bunch of birthday parties. I have a master’s degree, I’m creative, I know strategy, I know marketing—sure, I’ll do it.” I created an opportunity of millions of dollars for this company, and I built stuff that I never knew I could build. And so maybe he saw a zone of genius in me, but I definitely didn’t. Then when I tell people about what I did, because then I took one of my original events and I scaled it across the country for USA Today in nine cities for three years by myself—

Cheldin: Amazing.

T.H.: Right, amazing. But why don’t I think that’s amazing? Cheldin, look, are we so worried about society that we’re bragging and we’re being arrogant in our success?

Cheldin: There is a little bit of that. We’ve been conditioned to not brag. Bragging is a negative thing, right? You’re boastful, this passive aggressive kind of, “Oh, not me. Oh, if they want more information, they’ll ask.” Meanwhile, Captain Mediocrity is screaming from the rooftops about what they’re doing in a mediocre way. I think that oftentimes, there are two things that are in play. One, when we’re never really preparing, going back to that orientation, I say this to my students as well, how do you feel when you have studied for a test? You’re like, “Give me that number two pencil, give me that blue book, I got this.” But how do you feel when you haven’t studied for a test? “I don’t know… my roommate…” You start making up excuses, all of the things. Our personal brand is often a test we haven’t studied for, right? We’ve done all the stuff, we read the book, but we haven’t reviewed the copy. We haven’t ingrained it into our mind. We haven’t repeated through literal copy cards. We haven’t gone over who we are, what we want, and why we deserve it. It doesn’t live equally, and even just as important, it doesn’t live anywhere. We were talking even before, just catching up, about resumes and the importance of that, not because you’re looking for a job, but to remind yourself selfishly of how far you’ve come. I find that I do this quite often. I have these portfolios—I’m a hoarder of the work that I’ve done in the past—and sometimes I just sit with it. I’m like, “I forgot myself today.” When I send out an invoice that was less than my value, I go and I sit in the work that I have done. When I get off a call and they just really short changed me, in some cases by thousands of dollars, I go and I sit and I look at the clips of the press that I’ve secured, because I have to remind myself of who I am in order to be able to move forward. It’s a completely natural thing. We’re busy moving forward to remember where we’ve been. But we have to stop ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to reintroduce ourselves to ourselves.  

T.H.: How do you do that to yourself? I know you have your six points, and I know you teach your students, but now let’s talk to you, Cheldin. Look at where you are now. How do you introduce yourself to yourself? How do you embrace it and present it? Because people are super judgey, right? The judgey ones are the ones who are insecure and haven’t done half or a third of what you’ve even thought of doing, let alone executed. How do you not let society encroach on your zone of genius?

Cheldin: Yeah, I think it’s about doing the right things in the right rooms. I think so often, we are reintroduced, or even introducing ourselves to people who would never buy from us in the first place, who are not worthy of our ambition, who would never be entertained by our journey, and we’re deeming their truth as our identity. When if we were in a different room—I was lucky enough to have both you and Jessica at our “THIS IS IT” live event that was in Atlantic City not too long ago—that room was embracing, was warm, was exciting. If we would have taken that same content and put it in a different room, we would have “Maybe we should change the speech. Maybe we didn’t have the right panelist. Maybe I didn’t say the right thing.” But because we put who we were in the right room, not only the delivery was correct, but obviously the perception was correct. I think that what I do, because obviously we can’t be in the right room all the time, I have departmentalized. Even those individuals that I love dearly aren’t necessarily privy to my full ambition, because they truly will not understand it. They’re not privy to the hardships of your life. They won’t empathize with what you’re going through in your divorce. They won’t cheer you on in your business. One of the biggest pieces of advice that I give to clients that I work with, as well as my students, never take advice from people who do not have the life that you want. Never take advice or directions from people who have never driven the journey, right? If nobody’s ever been there, would you be like, “Oh, how do I get to so and so?” You’d be like, “I’ve never been there.” No one would ever give you advice. But in your life, people who have never been on your journey will be like, “You should do this. You should do this. You should do this. Why don’t you do this?”  

T.H.: I mean that is so typical for divorce. You have people saying, “I knew it” all the time, “Make sure you go hire this lawyer,” and “You have to do this,” and “You have to kick him out,” and “You have to tell her she’s going to be out on the street with no money.”

Cheldin: I would never—

T.H.: Everyone’s got a million things to say when you’re going through a divorce. If you haven’t lived it, you don’t get it. That’s the same thing if you’re sick. It’s the same thing on the good side. If you’re successful—like, I look to Cheldin, honestly, as a mentor. I just feel so lucky that we’ve crossed paths. But you do have to put yourself out there so that you know, “You know what? This doesn’t feel right. So these aren’t my people.” Because I actually just wrote in our newsletter, so this is airing a little while after this newsletter comes out, but I wrote about finding your people and making new friends and how important it is to be to step outside of yourself. I am doing that now so that I can learn and grow. Those are priorities for me. If they’re not priorities for you, then don’t bother doing it, right?

Cheldin: Yes, I did though. I do.

T.H.: But really taking stock of yourself and your accomplishments, I almost need to pretend that I am Jessica so I can recognize those things, and then I can sit with it and own it.

Cheldin: 100%. It’s about stepping outside of yourself, right? I mean, because we do it for our best friends. If somebody was like, “Tell me about your best friend?” you can spill it out. But for you, it’s like looking on the ground, it’s rolling the eyes, you’re like, “Come on now,” it’s like all of those things. I think that that’s why I truly fell in love with your platform. Because, again, going back to being in the right rooms, more people need to create these specific rooms. You have created a room specifically for a group of people to be seen and heard in a specific linear category. That is so beautiful because it is a very specific and unique and intimate thing that people are going through that they have to do with people who have never been on that journey. But you literally designated a lane, “Come over here. I see you, I hear you. Let me point you in the right direction. There is no judgment. I can listen.” I mean, it’s such a wonderful thing that you’re doing. Then people build confidence in those rooms. So when they’re really tackling people who don’t understand their journey, they’re better armed to be able to do it. I have to applaud what you and Jessica have done and built because those are the types of rooms that are needed in order for women and individuals just to gain the strength that they need, so, congrats.

T.H.: Thank you so much for that. That really means a lot. Hey, did you guys know that in addition to the Divorce etc… podcast, we have a Divorce Rulebook. If you want your copy, all you have to do is visit www.exexperts.com  and it’s all right there for you. The link is also in the show notes. We wish we had a rule book when we were navigating our divorces and life afterwards. Wouldn’t that have been nice? Sign up at www.exexperts.com. You don’t know what you don’t know. But we do. Okay, so Cheldin has created and is like, I don’t know, she just doesn’t stop creating, which is amazing. Okay, so I’m going to sit in a space now, right? I recognize myself as a people connector. I’m an experienced expert. I feel like I have to practice saying those things so I can own it, because it sounds a little, again, like I’m bragging. But who’s telling me I’m bragging? No one really but me, right?

Cheldin: Right!

T.H.: I mean, Jessica and I built this platform in three years—two best friends in our fifties taking a shot because we knew there was nothing like this out there. We knew we could have benefited from it, so we built it.

Cheldin: You built it.

T.H.: We need to own that.

Cheldin: You need to own it.

T.H.: Now we’re entrepreneurs. I never thought I’d be an entrepreneur, but I clearly am now. And you Cheldin create an environment also where people are welcome to learn, to grow, and to support one another, and we do applaud you. That’s why we brought you in as an exEXPERT because we know that this audience can really benefit so much. I mean, her THIS IS IT NETWORK, guys, the content and the richness of her offerings, forget about being in business, you’re just a person. Look, if you’re a stay at home mom and you’re listening to this and you’re like, “Yeah, whatever, this isn’t my jam. I’m a stay at home mom, I go to school in my pajamas, I’m lucky if I wash my hair, and the gym is up and down the stairs from the laundry room,” it’s time for you to own and recognize what is great about you. I do talk about superpowers. I do believe we all have a driving superpower. I think that that’s what will help you introduce yourself to you. But you have to be proud.

Cheldin: Be proud and remind yourself. I think it goes back to that, right? I think that one you touched on it a bit, it’s a practice. The amazing, remarkable athletes, when you talk about Simone Biles and Serena Williams in the height of their career, they still go to practice. They have won X amount of championships—they still hone their skills. It’s not like they’re so amazing and they’re like, “Uh,” until the next tournament. They’re constantly practicing. Even for us extroverts—I’m an extrovert. There’s no denying. You can hear me before you see me. I’m loud. I’m all the things. But even for you introverts that are listening, it’s more about the repetition, right? We believe what we understand and what we hear. If you are not saying to yourself, and I think that this even a lot for women as well, it’s also how you talk about yourself to yourself.

T.H.: I feel like it’s 100% that.

Cheldin: 100%. 100%. “I’m lazy, I’m tired. I’m all these things.” I know women who are homemakers, housewives, or whatever we deem them, that could run circles around any CEO.

T.H.: Absolutely.

Cheldin: Right? They’re driving kids 90 million places, they’re making Halloween costumes, they’re doing all of the—I care. I mean, they’re my people, I care, right?

T.H.: Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Cheldin: They’re doing all the things, they’re doing all the baked goods, and they’re doing all these things. If she talks about herself like she is a badass, she is a badass. If she talks about “I’m a mess, the kids, I don’t know anything,” meanwhile, she’s doing all of the things in which I just mentioned, I receive her the way in which she delivers herself to me. We need to be conscious of that. There are so many people that are like, “I’m all over the place.” Are you really? Or are you just delivering yourself in chaos? Are you really?

T.H.: Just say that again. That’s really important remembering what you just said.

Cheldin: Right. Are you really a mess? Or are you just delivering yourself in chaos? Are you delivering “I am crazy” and “I am a mess”? Well, guess what? You can’t be surprised when people think you’re a mess and think you’re crazy. They’re just receiving what you’re telling them. But the best way to do that for an action item is to write it down and to practice it in the car—just pretend you’re on Bluetooth—in the shower, just saying and repeating as often as possible, like a practice. Be Simone, be Serena Williams, practice what you want to be able to execute when you’re part of those conversations. I promise you it will become easier. It will be uncomfortable, as most things are, but you will get comfortable being uncomfortable as you continue to practice the art of personal branding.  

T.H.: Another woman who we have spoken to recommends mirror mantras. So put a post it on your mirror, make it your screensaver on your phone. I had a client who I was working with who had a picture of her husband’s mistress as her screensaver on her phone. I go, “How does that make you feel?” She goes, “It reminds me of what a creep he is.” I go, “But he’s not worried about you thinking that. You’re only torturing yourself with this negative message. You’re literally waking up and looking at your phone at her? That’s how you want to start every single day and every single time you get a phone call? We’re switching it up.”

Cheldin: We’re switching it up.

T.H.: I said, “I’m giving you a list of 10 mantras. Pick two. I want them on the fridge, I want them on the coffeemaker, I want it on the mirror, and I want it on your screensaver.” Because it really is a pattern and it’s a learning, and it’s also an untangling of negative messages. That’s what I had in my marriage. It started with my mother, it was reinforced with my husband, and then I was just a shell. I was just existing. I wasn’t living because I was existing based on other people’s messages. But that’s all I heard in my head. I didn’t have room for anything else until the day—and if you guys all missed the very first episode we did, you should listen—the day that I got the phone call. I was like, “Holy shit, I’m not fucking crazy. I’m not even the bad guy. I’m not even close to the bad guy. If I want to divorce, I’m still a good mom. Oh, my God, I have been telling myself all these other things all these years.” And so that was super freeing. But then you untangle it. You really need a therapist if you’re coming from where I came from or anything like that, because you have to own what you did. Look, my marriage didn’t work because we didn’t communicate, we didn’t have intimacy, and I didn’t respect him. The cheating is what set me free. I’m accountable because I allowed someone to treat me like shit. I allowed someone to speak to me poorly. I permitted that messaging to live in my brain. Once you see that, you’re like, “You know what? I got a choice. You’re out. I’m bringing some new stock in now.”

Cheldin: You’re bringing some new stock in.

T.H.: That’s really how it relates anyway for divorce. But I also think let’s talk for a minute about scarcity versus abundance. Because also in divorce, you might be paralyzed and staying in your marriage because you feel like “No one’s going to love me. No one’s going to help me. I can’t learn anything.”

Cheldin: Yeah.

T.H.: Versus “You can learn everything—resources are free. Your children love you. Your family loves you. What’s not lovable about you?” So let’s talk a little bit. Don’t you think it plays a part in—

Cheldin: 100%. It’s “I deserve less”—scarcity, “I don’t deserve more”—abundance. “I don’t deserve it,” right? “I haven’t earned it.” We’re in this prove ourselves mentality. “I have to prove myself. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve all the things.” All of that, truthfully, goes back to that practice. I think that ultimately, people say to me all the time, because again, I’m very much an extrovert, I’ve got a big smile on the face and I’m running around all the time, they’re like, “Are you positive all the time? How are you positive all the time?” I say, “I am not positive all the time. That’s why I practice positivity.” I have to work myself out of it. I have to convince myself, unapologetically, that I deserve abundance, that there is enough out there for me, that if she, he, they, whoever, receives something, it doesn’t take away from me. I deserve the life that I’m built for. I have to remind myself of that. There is every factor out in the world telling me that that’s not the case.

T.H.: Yeah.

Cheldin: I can’t be the one telling me that that’s not the case. There has to be one person—

T.H.: You have to be your cheerleader.

Cheldin: —that’s on my side. If I’m not even on my side, there is no chance in hell that I’m going to get to where it is that I want to be. But I forget myself quite often. I do this thing, this morning message, I do it on LinkedIn and YouTube and TikTok. I do these mantras and these scenarios. Everybody’s like, “Oh my gosh, Cheldin, isn’t it exhausting?” I say, “It’s selfish. I do it because I need the message that day.” Not only, and I hope that people benefit from it, but I’m lost in that moment. If you ever hear a morning message from me, it’s because I was sitting in that darkness or discomfort before I hit record or before I went live, and I’m talking myself out of it. I’m talking myself through the motions. I suggest, again, whether it’s in the shower, in the car, that you do that, because ultimately, it comes out somewhere. Sometimes it’s going to be in a Little League game or in the produce section, but it’s going to come out somewhere. It’s not going to live within you. I’m a strong believer, and you met my mom, she’s always very, very honest about it will eat you up. You’ll get sick. All of these things that we carry in us, in a way, will chop away at all we can be. We all deserve to go into it with empty hands so we can fill it with the goodness of our life.

T.H.: Yeah. I love what you said. If we don’t cheer for ourselves, how can we expect anybody else to?

Cheldin: No one will. No one will.

T.H.: You won’t even earn for somebody else to if you don’t feel you have earned it yourself.

Cheldin: 100%.

T.H.: Then we’re going to do another one about really value with money, because I know that we are undervalued in terms of money that we make, money we ask for. There’s so many things that I do and I’m like, “Well, maybe I’ll ask them for whatever.” And I work with this woman, and she’s like, “Are you freaking kidding me? Not only are you asking for triple that, next time, you’re doubling it.” I’m like, “Oh, no…” What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Cheldin: I’d be in the same situation you’re in now. You’ll be in the same situation you are in now.

T.H.: That’s right.

Cheldin: To feel valued, I don’t think we put enough emphasis on the difference that makes to you, to be working with people who value you, to be in conversations with individuals who value you, to not be constantly auditioning for individuals and showing up and having to be on all of the time. It’s a very exhausting thing. That goes back to being in the right rooms. When you’re in the right rooms, they hear and see you differently. They’re fluent in your language, right? There’s no translating or overcompensating. I say it all the time, an example of if there are people in your life that are fans of something—in Northern New Jersey, it might be the Giants, and down here in South Jersey, it’s the Philadelphia Eagles, whatever it is, or a movie, Harry Potter—folks, if you’re a like minded person and you’re equally obsessed with something, you speak in a completely different language than somebody who’s never seen the movie, right? How do you feel when you’re amongst fans of something? You’re laughing at inside jokes. We all deserve that. We all deserve to feel that comfortable amongst like minded people. Then when we’re introducing ourselves, it’s to a welcomed audience, it’s to people who understand you, it’s to people who support you. Then we’re better prepared to introduce ourselves to people who do not.

T.H.: Don’t you think you attract people based on where you are? I mean, when I think about the people that I dated before I met my forever man, I met them where I was.

Cheldin: Yeah.

T.H.: And I got the minimum, because the minimum for me then was enough. I mean, I dated a guy who my therapist called the “English muffin man”, because he didn’t take me out to dinner. I would go to his house, we wouldn’t go anywhere, and he would only have an English muffin to offer me. Don’t you think you deserve more than an English muffin? That was like the kind of conversation. I’m like, “You know what? I do. You got to go.” Then you grow and you don’t get stuck. But you’re attracted to people, and people are attracted to you based on where you are in your growth, in your self confidence, in your ability to know who you are. Honestly, I feel like in the last few years as exEXPERTS really has evolved, I really am meeting fabulous people because I’m only giving out fabulous. I’m not going to give out anything less than that. Then that’s who you receive. If you’re receiving toxic, then you might want to stop and be like, “I might need help.” Please get it and never be afraid. That’s a huge sign of strength to say, “I need some support.” On exEXPERTS, on Instagram, at least once a week, we’re like, “How are you doing? We’re checking in. You need support? DM us. We’re here for you. We’re your girlfriends through it all. We get it.” But just know that if you’re attracting people who are kind of shitty, then you might be in a shitty space, right?

Cheldin: 100%. Then also really recognizing, and I think that again, having that self awareness helps you understand that not everyone is for you. Meaning there are people—

T.H.: Absolutely.

Cheldin: —who are giving you 100%, but their 100% is still not enough for you. Just because they’re trying hard or they love you as much as they can love you, doesn’t mean that that fills your cup. There’s nothing wrong with that. You let them go. Again, I give away Excel sheets, you’re giving away the person that is claiming they’re giving you 100%, but you’re still not filled up. It’s about recognizing that. You would know that if you sat and got to know yourself, right? It’s very warm and fuzzy. It’s very Super Soul Sunday. It is. Sit outside and get to know yourself because you’re not the same person you were in your twenties, your thirties, your forties. You’re not the same person.

T.H.: No.

Cheldin: You must take the necessary time to reintroduce yourself. You owe yourself that opportunity. 365 days ago, who were you? What did you even like? My goodness, my appetite changes, my waistline changes. What I could eat when I was 20, I can’t eat anymore.

T.H.: Oh my God, you’re preaching to the choir here.

Cheldin: All the things.

T.H.: Thank you Cheldin so much. If you all enjoy this episode of the Divorce etc… podcast with the exEXPERTS today, please take a moment and help two girls out. Subscribe, rate, and review, it really helps us by bumping us up on the podcast platforms and then more people can find us and we can help them as they’re going through divorce and more. Check out the show notes for more information on Cheldin and THIS IS IT TV NETWORK. And of course, share this episode with anyone you know who can benefit from listening. Have a great day.